On Human Connections and How We Continue to Grow
Updated on April 26th, 2020
I spent almost half of my life to figure out what and who my soulmate is. Probably because of books that I read and a certain person I met in my younger age. As I grew older, I figured out that life, in fact, is never a fairy tale —even though I secretly wish it was, a fantasy world where I can build and interact with only the characters I like and I’m the main character inside my own story.
Some said we can meet more than one soulmate in our lifetime. It can be anyone; our parents, a friend, teacher, mentor, spiritual guru, a lover, or even life partner. But oftentimes, we don’t end up with our soulmate(s) and be with them forever. Sometimes these people come into our lives and we feel as if we already know them. I read somewhere that it is entirely plausible that we have a past life connection to the other person, which we probably have karma to work through with them. Other relations can also indicate karmic soul contracts, in which the ongoing soul lessons are there to be learned.
But how do we move on from that, to be honest, I'm most of the time feeling left with a very little clue.
One day, I scrolled my Twitter timeline and the line from an old friend of mine, popped out: “People are the same wherever you go. Some have more affinity to you, some have less. We inherently can not have full affinity and compatibility with everyone.” As if he answered my sole question unintentionally.
It kinda goes along with this writing about "Virtual Dating" I read by The School of Life. It says "Compatibility is an achievement of love; it shouldn't be its precondition." We often get lost and romanticize compatibility with the main reason why couples end up together. But what happens when you don't always share opinions, tastes, or interests with your partners?
We don't just stop loving our partners because we find out that they are total opposites, do we? As years passed by and I encountered more people —some bonds are stronger and deeper than others, and having experienced this myself, I finally can understand that compatibility is something everyone has to work on continuously. It’s not an easy task, really, to constantly invest your time, energy, and presence for people.
But then, by always being there for the other(s) doesn’t mean your ‘job’ is done. Some good relationships eventually go sour and may lead to a feeling of hollowness. I remember my past relationships and how it turned me or the other person running on empty.
Especially now, in the moment of quarantine, when we have to deal with a totally new normal; separated from our loved ones or even worse —being cooped up with the ones we wish we weren't. Human connections are a bit trickier now. Of course, we can always think of creative ways to get to know each other at a physical distance, using phone calls or video chat. But it certainly won't replace a face-to-face meeting.
“Perhaps that’s because deep down inside we are expecting something in return when providing our presence,” my friend replied. Kinda make sense, I muttered under my breath, almost for myself. “I think we need to raise our awareness that we don’t live only with that person. Shift our priority,” he continued.
Human relations are weird and incredibly peculiar. If we put too much effort and energy into the other(s), without improving ourselves, nothing good can come. And although it might be the most common cliché saying you’ll ever read, I guess you really have to work on yourself first to improve your relationship(s) with other(s). Maybe we'll learn a thing or two about ourselves and what relationships we want to shape as we go along (and make mistakes).
As I continued to wonder while watching the scene of Dumbo’s wondering eyes and silent reaction shots staring at the floating pink elephant bubbles in the circus act (Tim Burton’s substitution for the original version of the champagne bubbles and the hallucinatory “Pink Elephants on Parade”), I could feel a bit of Dumbo’s sadness and melancholy. In the end, we only want to feel some connection. Until it wasn’t there anymore.
“And what we tend to forget is to focus on our presence,” a message notification from my friend was suddenly displayed on my lock screen while all the floating pink elephant bubbles were bursting into the thin air. “…but maybe we also need to experience such events for the sake of learning the lesson. So we can be more aware of our own situation, embrace it, and then move on,” it continued as I read the whole message.
Maybe, someday we’ll figure more things out as we continue to move forward and grow.
